One of my long time best friends called me the other night with a horrible pain in her heart. She needed someone to talk to. Rumor had it her daughter might be suicidal and she was trapped on a business trip until the next evening. Her husband was home handling the situation, but she wasn’t going to be okay until she could hold her daughter close. She needed to look deep into her daughter’s eyes to get a ‘read’ on what was really going on inside her mind. Until she could really sit down and talk to her daughter, she could at least pick my brain as to what to do. We talked a bit about when we were seventeen, and I tried to commit suicide. Now, all these years later, what could I say to my friend or to her daughter to make it all better?

I grew up in a very dysfunctional home and had no reason to believe that I was loved or had any sort of an emotional support system. That’s not what threw me over the edge although looking back I think it set the stage by insuring a very low self esteem when entering high school. I wanted to die because I was in love with two boys who were best friends and I knew I’d never be able to choose between them. It was more than I could bear. I wanted to escape the pain of dating one and longing for the other. Both were amazing wonderful souls.

I had met one when we were fifteen and we’d fallen instantly into a wonderful relationship. He was my first true love. He was struggling with his mother’s new husband and became very distant and moody. In my insecurity, I assumed he wasn’t interested in me anymore. To test my theory, I scribbled out a heart he’d drawn on his notebook with our names in it. He took it to mean that I was dumping him and seemed at peace with the idea. I was too hurt and insecure to admit that I was just testing him and didn’t really want to break up. He was too hurt and insecure to stop me. Neither of us knew how to speak openly from our hearts. He occasionally asked me out on dates after that. I would think we were about to get back together and then he’d be gone again. He had moved to a nearby town to live with his dad and stepmother. He gave me the telephone number of his best friend to call if I ever needed to reach him.

One night after a year of him dropping in and out of my life and stealing my heart every time, I finally called his friend to find out when he’d be back in town and more importantly, would he ever get back together with me? According to his best friend, the love of my life thought I was a slut even though I was still a virgin and he had no intentions of getting back together with me. However, his best friend was there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. The best friend was every bit as wonderful and amazing as the first, but in his own unique different ways. We really loved each other. We were sixteen and planning to get married when we turned twenty.

Since they were best friends, my ex would drop in on us to visit and hang out. It was extremely difficult for me to see him during those visits. My head said I should hate him, but my heart still danced a jig every time he walked in the room. My ex and I ended up having a long talk one night. He confessed that he really did say that I was a slut, but that he regretted it and never really felt that way about me. It was just stupid sixteen-year-old boy emotions tied up with our past together He thought I was better off dating his best friend and gave his blessing. It killed me. I was still in love with him and he was telling me to stay with his best friend. His best friend was the sweetest kindest boy I’d ever dated. Neither of us would ever dream of hurting such a beautiful soul. I couldn’t tell either of them that I was in love with both and for months I slowly went insane unable to speak openly with either, terrified they’d both reject me.

Eventually, I snapped and couldn’t bare the pain of wanting one and the guilt of never wanting to hurt the other. I suspect that it’s some kind of a primitive fight or flight mechanism that gets triggered when we become bombarded by negative emotions. When we feel that the situation is hopeless and we have no way of changing the dynamic, then we can’t fight it. So, we need to flee and suicide is the ultimate form of taking flight. It’s really hard during that time to stop and logically realize that emotions are ever changing and as such they don’t have to be fought nor avoided. You just have to wait them out and make positive choices and changes to promote the shift in dynamics that are creating the overwhelming emotions we want to run from. At seventeen, I couldn’t see that.

I also think that if a teenager doesn’t believe that anyone will cry for them when they’re gone, then suicide becomes a very real consideration. Years later when I had two toddlers and my life was a mess, I found myself wanting to escape from life’s pain again. It was completely different that time. I knew that my two children would be heart broken and psychologically screwed up for life if I committed suicide. As a single mom, I was their only sense of security. I was their whole world. I could get depressed enough to want to run away from my problems, but I could never seriously consider suicide like I had in high school. Someone needed me and would be destroyed if I left. Perhaps that’s where the answer to teen suicide lies. Does the teenager believe that someone else’s life will become unbearable if they die?

Almost two years ago, my son came to me in tears and told me that he was suicidal. The idea of life without my child was, more than I could bear. I knew first hand what it feels like to be in so much pain that you just want to die. To imagine my own child feeling that way was worse than anything I’ve ever endured. We talked a long time about the things that had destroyed his will to live. We talked a lot about the ‘feeling’ of being suicidal.

We talked mostly about how it’s bad enough to have someone you love die unexpectedly in a car wreck or from Cancer or something. It’s an entirely different thing to lose them because they chose to leave. I told him to imagine how he would feel if I committed suicide. The pain he felt just imagining it brought him close to tears. He said he couldn’t bear it if I did that to him. I told him with tears in my own eyes that I felt the same way. My daughter joined in and in tears she put aside all of their sibling rivalries and poured out her heart regarding how incredibly painful it would be for her if he ever died. We were very close in those next few weeks as we worked together to make a lot of changes in his world and in his outlook. He’s doing wonderfully now. He is very happy in a new school, with a girlfriend that is the love of his life, and he’s found his old zest for life’s adventures again.

So, I guess my advice is this…. Tell her what her death would mean to you. Does she really know in her heart of hearts how much you love her? Don’t assume anything. Yeah, you have to take her in to some kind of a therapist. But, whatever you do, don’t make her feel like some kind of a screwed up nut. And don’t ignore this. Even if she’s just talking about suicide to get attention, find out why. She may be testing the waters, looking to see if anyone would even care.

There’s nothing more depressing than finding out that nobody would care if you dropped dead tomorrow. Find a way to make her see that emotions are temporary and that together you can fix anything that life throws at you. Does she know you’re in her corner? Help her change her life. Find out what it is she’s struggling with and coach her, guide her, help her to create positive changes. Teach her how to overcome the pain rather than to succumb to it.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge

About The Author

Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to life in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. Go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net to read more of her articles and to get a free preview of one of her books.

Have you heard a nature hymn? For example, a whir of ting-a-ling-a-ling sound yielded by bamboo leaves when the wind blew to its clump? If you have an opportunity to visit a bamboo garden, try to listen to its hymn. The trees of a bamboo clump will sing along with the wind. When the wind blows blandly, bamboo leaves will play a beautiful symphony, so that it can sway your soul. And when the wind starts to blow lively, the bamboo leaves begin sounding a lilt of a quick song like Disco or Rock ‘n Roll.

They sing while at the same time they dance. They dance in an amazing movement. There is no other living things can sing and dance beautifully like bamboo clump trees! While its leaves melodic voices singing a peaceful song, the bamboo trees bar wiggling to the right and to the left. Dancing, turning and winding. Swinging and swaying. As if they are singing homage hymn while performing their devotion dance. They sing. And dance joyfully. Bend, twisting.

You will almost never find even a single piece of bamboo tree uprooted by the wind, and then fallen down. You also almost have never found a bamboo clump wither. Though dry season is burning the entire surface of the earth severely. You will find bamboo clump trees as the only evergreen tree even in a terrible dry season. Whenever dry season force all trees to run dehydrated and fade away, surely bamboo clump trees chosen to stand firm. It makes them to be the last trees standing. Evergreen.

Do you have any idea of; why the bamboo clump can hold out such firm? What a mystery. And there must be a lesson inside it. Now, try to pay attention to this: those who sing a cheerful song, usually are the people who enjoying their wonderful life. Conversely, one who likes to sing a cheerless song usually is the one who has been experiencing a gloomy life. My questions would be: why the first people are long lastingly happy and full of joy? Whether they have never experienced a stormy life? Or may be they have never faced a life temptation like others?

A song represents an expression of heart feeling. If you let your heart to sing the song along, you would be able to see the inmost feeling of the composer. And you will understand them. You can even feel them as it happened to you. A song can also connect you to any historical event. Because, a song preserves any story within it. If you have a memorable song, which is reminding you to a story of a past experience, hence whenever coincidentally you hear someone sings the song, you surely will be remembering the story behind the song. It indicates that a song has magical strengths to influence our feelings. In brief, a song has a hand in glove linkage with our soul.

Isn’t it true that you cannot sing a cheery song while you remain to let your mood mope? On the other hand, a sorrow song will by itself brings you to a gloomy atmosphere. No wonder if your doleful heart feeling can quickly change at a moment you hum a great song willingly. Vice versa.

Why the bamboo clump can hold out such firm? Because, it’s always singing such a full of bliss songs, to make it joyful, live happily, and at the same time bravely and strongly. That’s the secret of the strength of bamboo clump trees: they are eager to sing the songs of the beauty of life.

As you felt when you sang a happy song. In fact, every human being can make him or herself happy, joyful, and hopeful, by singing a great song. A song is like a lightning rod. It’s made to protect a high building from pouncing thunder in a stormy weather. It can disperse wild thunders. A song is also acting as an antibody, to dash down any diseases trying to infiltrate into our immune system. So, any time when you get a pleasant bliss, don’t forget to make your own song. And let it be your forever song. And when at one time you are feeling blue, neutralize that sorrow by the song. Consequently, you would be able to control your emotion, and return to a beautiful feeling. And you will always be able to enjoy your life. Promise? You will.

If you associate the wild wind rage in the bamboo clumps’s life to a ‘life temptation’ of human being. A heavy barricade. A life burden. Any difficulty. You may see that the bamboo clump trees chosen to sing, and dance with it, instead of being depressed with it. When there were so much big trees fallen down because of the wild wind knocked over, the bamboo clump trees chosen to gather with it, and composed it to become a melodic harmony composition. Bamboo clump trees chosen to sing it. And to danced with it. Lived with it happily. Forever. What the bamboo clump trees did was more than just survival. They were enjoying their daily life under the wind hegemony. No matter how hard the wind blows, it still there strongly up stand. Why? Because bamboo clumps trees, choose to croon cheerily with the storm. And dance with it joyfully.

The wind blow is our life temptation. The storm is our being hurricane. And the bamboo clump tree is you. Sing your song as the bamboo trees croon the hum. If you can sing the same hum, then you would be strong like the bamboo clump trees. No matter how hard life burden hits you; you would remain to be strong. You would linger to be able to sing. Sing your song. Voice out the hum. Dance with joy. And remain to be enthusiastic. Like the bamboo clump which remained to become green forever. And you, would be forever green.

Dadang Kadarusman. Known as an expert of inspirational storyteller. His stories are based on natural phenomena that makes a huge different from other stories. He helps others through his inspirational seminars, trainings and workshops, based on natural phenomena that he successfully learned, by blending it with eastern philosophies and life wisdoms. He facilitates others to learn secrets conveyed by nature to make people strong, happy, alive, motivated, tough, unbreakable, and enchanted. To see his work on inspirational book writing, please visit: http://www.trafford.com/robots/04-2112.html

Developing mindfulness and awareness can be like riding a rapids. It is easy to talk about, but actually to do it requires inner strength, stamina. The way to develop inner strength is to take every opportunity to practice it, bit by bit. Opportunities continually present themselves. Constantly practice breaking state and acting independently of the urge of habitual thought and behavior.

1) Go slow when you want to go fast, and vice versa. When you feel like contracting in fear, expand. For example, if you are sliding into a poverty mentality, give something away. Return kindness for rudeness. Patience is a form of generosity: cultivate it toward yourself and others. Give both space and time; take a deep breath and shift perspective: look at the sky, feel your feet on the ground. Affirm that there is plenty of time to do everything, and relax the contraction.

2) Do ordinary, habitual tasks, like brushing your teeth, with wakeful attention as if for the first (beginner’s mind) or last time (awareness of the imminence of death).

3) Do things faster or slower than usual, i.e. become attentive to habitual patterns and vary them so you feel the friction.

4) Don’t base choices or behaviors on external standards, or internalized external standards, such as praise or blame, good or bad, or right or wrong (think more deeply about what causes harm), or others’ expectations.

5) Take risks, perform small acts of courage (and appreciate them), make arbitrary choices and plans and follow through. Just do it!

6) Practice witnessing thoughts and feelings. Sit quietly erect and relaxed, and simply label thoughts and feelings: “thinking …thinking …feeling…” Label and witness without getting involved. Build up until you can spend 20 minutes or more a day with this simple exercise.

7) Cultivate mindfulness in all your actions throughout the day, and create your own exercises for breaking state, for waking up.

This is a discipline, and true discipline itself is an act of courage: the courage to step outside the trance of narrow self-involvement and fear. To keep it real and fresh requires vigilance. If it becomes a routine habit, you’ve fallen asleep. If it becomes a duty, an obligation, involved with hope and fear, guilt, or a gaining idea, you will become resentful. Right relationship to wakeful living is the goal of this approach to hypnotherapy, not the trading of one trance for another.

Become aware of how and when you are ruled by your unexamined likes and dislikes. What are they? Make a list.

9) As an exercise, create a script in which you represent your most important goal in life as a living symbol of some sort. Relate to it, feel its energy. Take some time to become fully established in relationship to it, so it becomes alive and vivid. Then visualize it moving straight out into the distance, to the top of a hill where you experience its power and vividness as you simultaneously experience yourself at the beginning of a straight path before you and up the hill to the symbol. Walking this path symbolizes your walking your life’s path to attain this goal. As you begin walking, on either side of the path are temptations and obstacles of all sorts, manifesting in varied ways: people, objects of desire or fear, situations from the past, symbols of shame and fear, sadness or grief, seduction and distraction. These manifestations can try to divert you from your path, but they cannot do one thing: they cannot block your path or prevent you from going step by step, walking wakefully and intentionally. As you go step by step, knowing you are going to stay on the path, focused more and more on your goal, you can afford to take some time to experience things to the right and the left, to hear and feel the pull of their cons, and then to “pop” them and move on. After taking the time you need to do this in a way that builds your inner strength, you come to the bottom of the hill, having left all those things behind. Take one last look back at them, reflecting on how good it feels to have overcome them, and then turn and proceed up the hill into the presence of this living symbol, which has become even more vivid, meaningful, and powerful because of your efforts. Feel its energy permeating you as it merges fully into your being, dissolving into every cell of your body, carrying its resources, intelligence, and power into every part of your being. Take some time to experience this, knowing and sensing it is radiating through your past and future in appropriate and beneficial ways, and then come back.

10) Rest in No-Self and allow Skillful means to flow genuinely. Be ready to be surprised! As you clarify and step out of your own shame-based, fear-based trances, you’ll be able to trust the Goodness of your True I-Don’t-Know-Who-I-Am Self. You’ll be amazed at what comes out of your mouth and at how you behave, and amazed at how this benefits yourself and others. This effortless capacity is the fruit of sincere, persistent efforts to cultivate the forms of discipline and self-inquiry described above. You can’t sit and watch fertile ground, no matter how fertile it is, and wait for it to sprout a bountiful crop. You must till it and plant good seed.

Excerpted from Finding True Magic, by Jack Elias. Copyright 1996, All rights reserved. Printed here with author’s permission. www.FindingTrueMagic.com

Jack Elias, a Clinical Hypnotherapist in private practice, is founder and
director of The Institute for Therapeutic Learning, a licensed Vocational
School in Seattle that trains and certifies Transpersonal Clinical
Hypnotherapists. Jack presents a unique synthesis of Eastern and Western
perspectives on the nature of consciousness and communication, teaching
simple yet powerful techniques for achieving one’s highest personal and
professional goals. Since 1967, Jack has studied Eastern meditation,
philosophy and psychology with masters such as Shunryo Suzuki Roshi and
Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. Before beginning his teaching and counseling
career, Jack worked for 20 years in sales, marketing and financial planning.
Jack offers dynamic experiential workshops and seminars, and his Finding
True Magic courses are eligible for credit at various universities.